Separate Yourself

Hello.
this is my tumblr page, so if you thought you were lost, you no longer are! you are right here in your perfect self, well groomed, white teeth, fancy shamncy clothed self.
These are the shoes I was looking for.  #vans #starwars

These are the shoes I was looking for. #vans #starwars

#Subaru  #imprezza #firstcar

#Subaru #imprezza #firstcar

#Subaru #imprezza #first car

#Subaru #imprezza #first car

So this is my first car. Needs some dlc but she’ll do.
#wheels #Subaru #imprezza

So this is my first car. Needs some dlc but she’ll do.
#wheels #Subaru #imprezza

Hey mom, I broke my ankle at the start of summer, go figure right? 
You’ve been gone just about 13 years now which is fucking mind boggling to me but I guess time keeps going on and doesn’t really stop for anything or anyone. 
I constantly wonder, like, on a daily basis how much would be different if you had never been taken away from me at such a young age. Like, I wonder a lot what would have happened if you had been around for my high school years, like you were for Jonathans. Would I have maybe actually been there most days in my final year? Instead of sitting in a shed smoking weed?(disclaimer; some of my most fondest memories took place in that shed and I wouldn’t trade them for anything) but still, what if? Would I have gotten to go on any class trips? Lord knows I would have loved to gone over to Europe. Or maybe you could have stopped me from making a lot of stupid choices that I would grow to regret and play over in my head again and again and again thinking ‘maybe if I had done this different things would be better’.

But life isn’t made up of maybes, so it’s a colossal waste of my time to think about the what ifs yet here I am, smoking a cigarette and still doing it.

I don’t believe in an afterlife so when we put you in the ground I think that’s exactly where you stayed. Your consciousness never went anywhere and you’re not on some other plain of existence watching over me. You died when I was eight years old and since I can’t really hold that against you as a poor life choice on your part(and believe me there were times where I was mad about it, and thought you could have fought harder) I still think you here, at least, in a sense. Whenever I speak to someone they’re sure to (even after 13 years) remind me just how much I look like you. That’s not to say I’m sick of hearing it either, it’s refreshing each time someone says it.

There’s a lot I could say, but I won’t. 
Posting this seems kind of pointless but I know there’s a couple of family members who I don’t see quite as often as I should anymore that would appreciate seeing it, and that would appreciate seeing you. Which I’m lucky enough to at least be able to help make both those things happen in a weird way.

You won’t see this.

But we’ve all still got our pictures and I’ve still got my mirrors so we can 
always see you.

#foodporn

#foodporn

Lunch at work, why not? #foodporn

Lunch at work, why not? #foodporn